The past few months have been bitter-sweet for me. This year marked 16 years since my parents were killed in a car accident, and this year was also my daughter’s first birthday.
I have decided to write the following open letter to my parents because I feel the need to let go of thoughts that have been weighing heavy on me. Perhaps you may relate to what I have to say… Enjoy
Dear Mummy and Daddy,
I haven’t written to you in a while. That does not mean that I’ve forgotten about.
Life has been strange lately – I get moments of intense joy and sometimes I just feel so broken.
Your first granddaughter turned one in October. Every time I look at her big smile I think of you guys. Sometimes I can’t help but wish you were here to watch her grow. I know you would have been such amazing grandparents!
I stared a YouTube channel this year, in the hopes using my story to inspire others. Sometimes I feel like giving up on it because I am just so busy and because I don’t know if I am making a real difference or not. The funny thing is that whenever I feel that way, something reminds me why I started the channel in the first place and that motivates me.
Becoming a mother has been an interesting experience – both positive and negative. Of course, the positive far outweighs the negative, but since becoming a parent my longing for you has increased. Sometimes I wish I could call you and ask for advice; and sometimes I wish my daughter could spend some quality time with you. But for the most part, becoming a parent has made me love you even more because it has helped me understand many of the sacrifices you made for my sisters and me.
It has been nearly 17 years since you left us, and I still feel like a naked soldier in the heart of a battlefield. Even though I am an adult, sometimes it feels like the world sees me as less of a human because I am an orphan. Sometimes it seems like people find it “easy” to take advantage of me. Strange right? Yet true.
It is always a pleasure to let you know how things are going with me. I am at peace, I am happy and despite my “downs” I keep getting stronger every day.
I’ll love you forever.