I cannot begin to count the number of times I have cried for you – as a child, as a teen and, now more than ever, as an adult. I know that you are long gone and that my tears won’t change a thing; but crying was my very first way of communicating with you from the moment you gave birth to me.
There are many reasons why the river in my eyes hasn’t dried up after all these years. I guess it is impossible to heal the pain of loosing a mother just a decade after being brought into the world. There are so many things I have had to learn through trial and error, things I know you would have taught me if you had been given the chance to live.
As I navigate through womanhood, it is hard not to be able to call or text you to ask for advice. The worst part of it all is that the world doesn’t understand it and it makes me feel lonely sometimes. Does shedding a tear or two more my beloved mother make me weak? “You’re a grown woman now”, they tell me, ignoring that fact that I have indeed moved on.
Moving on doesn’t mean that I will never cry again. Moving on doesn’t mean that I will forget about you. Moving on doesn’t mean that I don’t miss you anymore. To me, moving on means that despite the tears and the pain, I am able to live my life with a smile on my face knowing that I survived yesterday, I am living today and I am looking forward to tomorrow.
The love you gave me as a child continues to strengthen and inspire me as an adult. Although it would have been great to have you by my side today, I remain thankful for the ten years I got to spend with you. Your body perished in that accident, but your love lives on in my heart…