Confessions of an Orphan – Trust Issues (Part 2)

Trust Issues - Part 2

Click here to read part 1…

My trust  in people has become almost nonexistent. I have more fingers than people who I fully trust. It is a constant battle for me and though being careful is not a bad thing, having zero trust all together can be very lonely. Without much thinking, I automatically keep people at arm’s length, fearing rejection and betrayal – and because of this, many people may see me as unapproachable and distant.

Oddly enough, I am content with my trust issues. It is not that I don’t want to work on them, but in a way they have kept me safe from heartache. As I am writing this blog post, I realise that perhaps I don’t have “trust issues” as such. I know how to trust; I just don’t trust easily. Is that such a bad thing? The people I have learnt to trust make me happy and make me feel safe while I keep the rest of the world at a safe distance. Is this really an issue?

The truth is that humans are social beings. We cannot thrive or survive in complete solitude and isolation from the rest of our peers. Abraham Maslow, the famous American psychologist, was right in ranking social needs third in his hierarchy of needs. Nevertheless, this doesn’t diminish the importance of learning how and when to trust.

In the end the real question I have to ask myself is whether all those years of being abused have led to trust issues or prudence.  Wikipedia defines prudence as “the ability to govern and discipline oneself by the use of reason” whereas trust isn’t so simply defined. It is a complex notion, a social construct and an emotion that is difficult to quantify. If I have to be completely honest with myself, I’d say that my childhood did indeed teach my how to be prudent; however, my experiences left me riddled with emotional bullet holes that made trust seem like I luxury I can’t splurge on.

While you read these final words of this blog post you are probably looking at your own life and trying to decide whether you trust too much or too little. Only you can be the judge of that. There is no cardinal rule that can give you the exact answer, and because of that I say that everyone has trust issues whether they trust a lot or don’t trust at all. Does anyone really know what the correct balance is is? Where does trust equilibrium stand? So don’t beat yourself up. Mistakes are inevitable even when it comes to trust. It is only an issue if you define it as such…

Peace & Love,

Stella

stella mpisi - trust issues 2

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